Changing Daddy’s Diapers

In 2005 I moved from Virginia back to Michigan, where I had been born and raised, to care for my aging father as he progressed through the final stages of Alzheimer’s disease. Things weren’t too bad when I first moved back home, but the next two years saw a steady decline both physically and mentally for my father.

When it became apparent that he was no longer able to determine when he needed to release urine and or feces, we began using the adult, disposable diapers. I guess it stands to reason that dying is perhaps just a returning to our beginnings…

As the illness and physical struggles of a loved one begin to overwhelm the caregiver, we often lose sight of our own beings. We become totally immersed in the daily care, the appointments, the feeding schedule and everything involved in taking care of a person who has lost that ability, including changing daddy’s diapers. But changing diapers can sometimes lead to other realizations, at least with an Alzheimer’s patient.

As I was preparing my father to attend our annual family Christmas gathering, he was attempting to use the toilet while I removed his soiled diaper. He was rather mushy that morning – not really helping any, but not fighting me either – just a pliable, doll-like figure, following instructions. Once I got the clean diaper in position around his shins, I sat on the edge of the tub to wait for his efforts to conclude so I could clean him up and pull the diaper up completely.

As I looked at my father’s eyes, I saw what appeared to be a curtain behind his eyes slowly open (really, that was the sensation I had as this happened – it was like watching a curtain open). My dad looked at me, and with seriousness and clarity of vision I hadn’t seen lately he said, “You know that I’m dying?”

“Yes, dad. We know. We aren’t looking forward to it, but we are OK with it if you’re ready to go. Are you ready?”

With a twinkle in his eye I hadn’t seen since I was a kid, a huge grin spread across his face and he replied, “Nope, not quite yet…”

And as quick as that - the curtain closed and he retreated to wherever he spent his mind-time during that period. He was back to being a slightly pose able life-sized robot. He would move his limbs, walk haltingly, sometimes feed himself – but he was basically a shell. But I changed after that day.

That moment of clarity, which lasted only seconds, taught me that no matter how much of a pain in the ass it was – I would never again regret changing daddy’s diapers. That moment taught me that my dad was still in there, somewhere.

There were other small moments of clarity during my care giving period, but none as clear and meaningful as that one, for those brief few seconds. When my father passed the following February, I knew he was ready. As Father’s Day approaches, I sit here in tears typing this, remembering my dad, my hero, as he was while I was growing up. He’s been gone seven years now, but that moment still seems like yesterday.

Enjoy your dad. If he’s still alive, go visit him and spend time with him. Take him a new tie for Father’s Day.

So What If Bergdahl Was A Deserter?

I hate the incessant need I feel to rant on occasion, but rant I must. Today’s topic is Bowe Bergdahl.

My first problem is with the current GOP gripe of exchanging prisoners for prisoners and “dealing with terrorists.” Some people apparently have VERY SHORT memories. Let’s take a short trip back to the period of 1968 to 1973, shall we?

John McCain, currently a Senator from Arizona, was at that time a Prisoner of War. McCain made an anti-American propaganda "confession." He claims now to be ashamed of having reached his breaking point, but the fact remains – he did exactly what he and others are accusing Bergdahl of. His father was a high-ranking Navy official at the time, so McCain received some preferential treatment, but to his honor, he refused an early release based on his family ties.

McCain endured five years of pain from injuries received during the crash of his airplane prior to his capture and a lack of medical treatment. He was tortured and spent at least two of those five years in solitary confinement. He was commended highly for his service. I used to respect this man immensely. Not so much anymore.

Photo found on Facebook

He came home due to a PRISONER exchange orchestrated by President Nixon in March 1973. At that time, the prisoners exchanged were North Vietnamese soldiers. This time they were Taliban. You cannot call the kettle black if you are a pot of the same color.

Next I would like to address all the idiots coming out of the woodwork and declaring that Bergdahl is a deserter. I find it awfully convenient that idiots like Donald Trump make a declaration DEMANDING an investigation into the circumstances surrounding Bergdahl’s disappearance/capture/desertion. I don’t care what label you choose to put on it – if you have NEVER served in the military you need to keep your big fat mouth shut.

Since the chumpster made his declaration, former soldiers are coming out on CNN and every GOP mouthpiece media outlet on the airwaves. Has anyone even bothered to check these guys out? Did they serve in Bergdahl’s unit? And if they did, what were the circumstances of their release from the military? Did they leave in disgrace, or were they honorably discharged? What was their function in Afghanistan? What was their relationship to Bergdahl? Did they even know him? Are they being paid for their interviews? Nobody seems to be asking or answering these questions.

Another big mouth on the scene is Allan West. I just perused his blog. Really? Just in case you didn’t know it - West was a former Army guy. Career soldier. He supposedly knows what our guys went through – or did he? If my memory serves me correctly, he left the Army in disgrace. Not a fallen hero. He was a career scammer that got caught and was forced to retire.

Now he’s into politics – why does that not surprise me? It seems there are a lot of people in the GOP, particularly those aligned with the Tea Party that have less than exemplary pasts. A quick check of West reveals his forced retirement. Another GOP loudmouth – Darrell Issa – was arrested for auto theft before he was elected. I could go on – but too many of them have less than admirable pasts and I don’t feel like spending that much time ranting.

I don’t really care what the circumstances were surrounding Bergdahl’s disappearance and capture. What I care about is letting that young man get home and get settled and hearing his side of things. He is currently in Germany. He has not seen his family yet. But he is being smeared in the media like the worst war criminal on the face of the planet. He hasn’t had a chance to tell us his side of the story, but yet the GOP thinks it is just fine to crucify him.

They’re not interested in hearing his side of the story. They are only interested in discrediting President Obama. That is all. You see, Obama made a deal and he didn’t include them in the plan. Now they’re having a temper tantrum about it and taking it out on that young man. It upsets them immensely that Obama managed to do something despite their constant obstructionism.

They have done everything in their power to keep President Obama from being a successful president. They are failing miserably – and they know it. That pisses them off. So, like the 2-year-olds that they are, they have a temper tantrum.

But unlike your 2-year-old – they have their tantrums on national TV. They foam at the mouth and spew vile and hateful mouthfuls of vitriol. I find it difficult to believe that anyone in their right mind thought they were electable. But there they are – holding political offices in our national government. They are an embarrassment to this country. They make me want to move away from here.

Getting back to Bergdahl. The main person that I have heard telling tales about him comes across as a capable young family man. He says he was Bergdahl’s Team Leader. He describes Bergdahl as disillusioned and unhappy with America’s position in the war. Guess what? He just described 50 percent of the guys that were over there. We shouldn’t have been there – and our soldiers knew it.

We should never have been involved in Iraq or Afghanistan. What about the rest of the young men that went over there? Some of them are severely mentally ill sociopaths that enjoy killing for the rush it gives them. The remaining group was just poor children that needed a job and joined up hoping to better themselves. They served their time and did what was asked of them. Some came back broken physically. Some came back broken mentally.

In closing – all I want to see is to let Bergdahl come home and tell us his side of the story. If it is determined that he deserted? So what? He paid a high price for that desertion with five years of his life. What of the lives that they claim were lost as a direct result of the supposed desertion? Let’s let the investigation bear that out. If the Army felt that Bergdahl was responsible for those deaths, why was he promoted TWICE during his imprisonment? They did conduct an investigation in 2010. Why isn’t anyone mentioning that?

I served my time. I am a 21-year Navy vet that served in Desert Storm. For those of you with short memories – that was the FIRST Gulf War that occurred under George HW Bush. I have three rows of ribbons and medals that I earned in service to my country. That is more service than 90 percent of the Republican Party combined. They can go sit on it and spin for all I care!